If life doesn’t move you into action, then death certainly will, whether you are prepared or not. And probably not in ways you imagine.

I remember quite vividly the phone call I received on a shocking September morning back in 2001. I answered to hear a dear friend from Texas frantically telling me that the World Trade Center had been hit by planes and warning me to stay put in Brooklyn. “DON’T GO OUTSIDE!” she demanded. I obeyed.

The internet was out and my cell phone didn’t work, we had no TV and all my roommates were gone already. After my friend’s call, the land line went dead. I felt confused fear as I circled the living room, finally deciding to work on an old art project.

What? Art project?

Somehow finishing a would-be miniature book of images and text became the only thing I could think of to do. Photos I’d taken months before of Dallas at dusk in the rain combined with pretty sad writing about some dude I thought I loved and his huge ego that couldn’t love me. Very trite. Very unimportant. Kept me very busy for a time.

Finally, I couldn’t stand it any more. I left the house and walked half a block to find Metropolitan Ave bustling with people out of sorts. The local laundry matt had a TV and I joined my unknown neighbors trying to take in what was happening. When I left I was confronted with smoke funnels the likes of which I’d never seen before. Stunning.  Horrifying.

After the disgusting 2016 attack on the Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, I found myself sad and angry like so many others, but this time I sat still in my feelings. Maybe the event was too removed from my life, maybe I was just old enough to have my energies firmly invested in too many other things.

A passionate young friend however, was immediately inspired to create. She had a vision, rallied our mutual group of creatives, and set herself to the task of preparing for a collaborative art piece. The group is predominately made up of diverse and brilliant fiber artists and so the piece was fiber in nature, but to utilize the talents of all of our members, we planned for haikus to be shared in an otherwise blank book with a hand sewn cloth cover.

Not being a fiber artist or much of a seamstress, my contribution was to write a haiku in honor of each soul evolved that fateful night. I scratched out a few lines before realizing ignorance wouldn’t go far, so I read about each person who died. It transformed my writing from hypothesis to heart connection. It transformed me from observer to participant and I humbly joined their spouses, children, lovers, parents, and friends in mourning.

The young woman who moved towards the suffering of others – like a firefighter into a burning building – is a brave reminder of what living fully really is. What power we felt creating in the wake of such an evil act of destruction. What love we invested in our work, even as hate wasted those in their play. Doing rather than watching. Acting rather than talking. Being present in the suffering of others rather than being numb to it.

The communion of our busy hands, creative minds, open conversations, and warm hearts fills me with such love and gratitude. Thank you my friends – for letting me into your circle. Thank you Leigh, for living so fully. You are a gift to this world.

 

Haikus:

 

Night of abandon

Grooves of bliss, love in the air,

Forever dancing

 

Whirling dervishes

Wild anticipation

Our last night here

 

You did not end me

You just evolved my matter

Millions know my name

 

Brother, lover, friend

We sought joy in dance that night

Why did you end it?

 

Immortality

begins with an extinction.

We have expanded.

 

Jerald came to dance,

to meet and move and mingle;

his last laugh silenced.

 

A mother alone

continues loving her son,

though he will not age

 

You – old with hate, pain.

They – 18, 19, 20

New beginnings, over.

 

Luis, Shane, Stanley

Xavier, Juan, Tevin

Rays of heaven’s light

 

Youthful play became

one man’s war; hatred unleashed.

The final end to both.

 

Alejandro says,

Remember to live: Out! Loud!

Vibrant! On purpose!

 

Amanda and best

friend Mercedez intended

play for a lifetime

 

If it is allowed,

this sorrow sown becomes seeds

of tremendous change

 

 “Enrique – come back!”

His mother cries. “I am here”

He reminds her heart.

 

Brenda gave her life

to her children not just once

but twice. Super Mom.

 

When I described this

art project to my son it

ended play gun games

 

In the last moment,

friends held tight to each other.

Eye to eye good bye.

 

Endless tears to fill

this well of sadness. Mourning

season continues.

 

Oscar came to dance,

not end his 26th years.

Begin the next life.

 

Antonio was.

Antonio IS, though he

is no more with us.

 

Yilmary’s children

still need her voice to tell them

how much she loves them

 

Frank grew younger

with each spin around the floor

He died young at heart.

 

My best friend, Darryl

My heart’s beat, Angel. Cory,

son beyond measure.

 

Every smile

lost that night, has multiplied

the pain in my heart.

 

If Leroy sang it,

you knew he meant it. I hear

his songs echoing

 

Then Akyra faced

That unintended moment

of death’s guarantee

 

As Rodolfo dressed

he could not have known it was

the last such effort

 

Deonka pulsed

with life and love, giving all

to all she knew. Peace

 

Luis knew his Mom

would love his new boyfriend, just

one more night dancing

 

But for grace alone,

I survive my child’s death

to tell her story

 

Miguel leaves three kids

in the world. It is our

job to love them now.

 

Kimberly smiled

and lit up the room. Now she

lights up the world.

 

I went to meet them,

Christopher and Jonathan,

to dance until dawn.

 

It took all of us

to extinguish your darkness

Our light still shines.

 

Gilberto evolves,

Simon and Luis too.

No stopping them now.

 

Christopher – brother,

friend, ally. His courage mine.

I go on alone.

 

“We get this ONE LIFE

Go hard till the day we die.”

– Geraldo’s motto

 

Far from Florida –

“Oh God – I knew her,” I wept.

The world gets smaller.

 

Jean and Luis found

love again on the dance floor,

now and forever.

 

Juan’s only regret

swept away with his only

chance for redemption

 

Anthony walked in

seeking music adventures.

Universal sound.

 

A father loses

a legacy. Edward gone,

but not in spirit.

 

Are they heros or

victims, or brilliant new stars

in the universe?

 

Masculinity

Eddie, Eric and Jason

Set free, empowered.

 

Halted lineage,

Peter imparts his spirit.

We carry his love

 

Never stop dancing

The night, forever young – and

you, we celebrate.

 

Javier’s heart grew

with every encounter.

Now it covers me.

 

To our dad, Paul,

we still feel you, loving life

teaching us the same.

 

Orlando loses

49 lives to many

Out, out brief candle

 

Martin’s wish for us –

Face your fears, your dreams, your hopes

with an open heart.