If life doesn’t move you into action, then death certainly will, whether you are prepared or not. And probably not in ways you imagine.
I remember quite vividly the phone call I received on a shocking September morning back in 2001. I answered to hear a dear friend from Texas frantically telling me that the World Trade Center had been hit by planes and warning me to stay put in Brooklyn. “DON’T GO OUTSIDE!” she demanded. I obeyed.
The internet was out and my cell phone didn’t work, we had no TV and all my roommates were gone already. After my friend’s call, the land line went dead. I felt confused fear as I circled the living room, finally deciding to work on an old art project.
What? Art project?
Somehow finishing a would-be miniature book of images and text became the only thing I could think of to do. Photos I’d taken months before of Dallas at dusk in the rain combined with pretty sad writing about some dude I thought I loved and his huge ego that couldn’t love me. Very trite. Very unimportant. Kept me very busy for a time.
Finally, I couldn’t stand it any more. I left the house and walked half a block to find Metropolitan Ave bustling with people out of sorts. The local laundry matt had a TV and I joined my unknown neighbors trying to take in what was happening. When I left I was confronted with smoke funnels the likes of which I’d never seen before. Stunning. Horrifying.
After the disgusting 2016 attack on the Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, I found myself sad and angry like so many others, but this time I sat still in my feelings. Maybe the event was too removed from my life, maybe I was just old enough to have my energies firmly invested in too many other things.
A passionate young friend however, was immediately inspired to create. She had a vision, rallied our mutual group of creatives, and set herself to the task of preparing for a collaborative art piece. The group is predominately made up of diverse and brilliant fiber artists and so the piece was fiber in nature, but to utilize the talents of all of our members, we planned for haikus to be shared in an otherwise blank book with a hand sewn cloth cover.
Not being a fiber artist or much of a seamstress, my contribution was to write a haiku in honor of each soul evolved that fateful night. I scratched out a few lines before realizing ignorance wouldn’t go far, so I read about each person who died. It transformed my writing from hypothesis to heart connection. It transformed me from observer to participant and I humbly joined their spouses, children, lovers, parents, and friends in mourning.
The young woman who moved towards the suffering of others – like a firefighter into a burning building – is a brave reminder of what living fully really is. What power we felt creating in the wake of such an evil act of destruction. What love we invested in our work, even as hate wasted those in their play. Doing rather than watching. Acting rather than talking. Being present in the suffering of others rather than being numb to it.
The communion of our busy hands, creative minds, open conversations, and warm hearts fills me with such love and gratitude. Thank you my friends – for letting me into your circle. Thank you Leigh, for living so fully. You are a gift to this world.
Haikus:
Night of abandon
Grooves of bliss, love in the air,
Forever dancing
Whirling dervishes
Wild anticipation
Our last night here
You did not end me
You just evolved my matter
Millions know my name
Brother, lover, friend
We sought joy in dance that night
Why did you end it?
Immortality
begins with an extinction.
We have expanded.
Jerald came to dance,
to meet and move and mingle;
his last laugh silenced.
A mother alone
continues loving her son,
though he will not age
You – old with hate, pain.
They – 18, 19, 20
New beginnings, over.
Luis, Shane, Stanley
Xavier, Juan, Tevin
Rays of heaven’s light
Youthful play became
one man’s war; hatred unleashed.
The final end to both.
Alejandro says,
Remember to live: Out! Loud!
Vibrant! On purpose!
Amanda and best
friend Mercedez intended
play for a lifetime
If it is allowed,
this sorrow sown becomes seeds
of tremendous change
“Enrique – come back!”
His mother cries. “I am here”
He reminds her heart.
Brenda gave her life
to her children not just once
but twice. Super Mom.
When I described this
art project to my son it
ended play gun games
In the last moment,
friends held tight to each other.
Eye to eye good bye.
Endless tears to fill
this well of sadness. Mourning
season continues.
Oscar came to dance,
not end his 26th years.
Begin the next life.
Antonio was.
Antonio IS, though he
is no more with us.
Yilmary’s children
still need her voice to tell them
how much she loves them
Frank grew younger
with each spin around the floor
He died young at heart.
My best friend, Darryl
My heart’s beat, Angel. Cory,
son beyond measure.
Every smile
lost that night, has multiplied
the pain in my heart.
If Leroy sang it,
you knew he meant it. I hear
his songs echoing
Then Akyra faced
That unintended moment
of death’s guarantee
As Rodolfo dressed
he could not have known it was
the last such effort
Deonka pulsed
with life and love, giving all
to all she knew. Peace
Luis knew his Mom
would love his new boyfriend, just
one more night dancing
But for grace alone,
I survive my child’s death
to tell her story
Miguel leaves three kids
in the world. It is our
job to love them now.
Kimberly smiled
and lit up the room. Now she
lights up the world.
I went to meet them,
Christopher and Jonathan,
to dance until dawn.
It took all of us
to extinguish your darkness
Our light still shines.
Gilberto evolves,
Simon and Luis too.
No stopping them now.
Christopher – brother,
friend, ally. His courage mine.
I go on alone.
“We get this ONE LIFE
Go hard till the day we die.”
– Geraldo’s motto
Far from Florida –
“Oh God – I knew her,” I wept.
The world gets smaller.
Jean and Luis found
love again on the dance floor,
now and forever.
Juan’s only regret
swept away with his only
chance for redemption
Anthony walked in
seeking music adventures.
Universal sound.
A father loses
a legacy. Edward gone,
but not in spirit.
Are they heros or
victims, or brilliant new stars
in the universe?
Masculinity
Eddie, Eric and Jason
Set free, empowered.
Halted lineage,
Peter imparts his spirit.
We carry his love
Never stop dancing
The night, forever young – and
you, we celebrate.
Javier’s heart grew
with every encounter.
Now it covers me.
To our dad, Paul,
we still feel you, loving life
teaching us the same.
Orlando loses
49 lives to many
Out, out brief candle
Martin’s wish for us –
Face your fears, your dreams, your hopes
with an open heart.
This year I practiced my haiku skills on their behalf with the intention of highlighting some of my favorite qualities of each of Lionelha’s children. The only person I don’t have direct knowledge of is my uncle Joseph who drown with my grandmother. I relied on his siblings’ shared opinion of him.
In honor of all of my aunts and uncles, and of course my own mother, who have enriched my life – thank you. My gratitude grows by the day. I love you.