Time

“Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings, not count the years.” – Ausonius

By on February 7, 2018
Chicago might just be my new favorite city, 6º temps couldn’t deter my enthusiasm

I’ve recently returned from a week in Chicago’s 20º winter, working with Doorstep Digital to scan and archive a collection of photos dating back to the late 1800’s. Our client’s father is facing serious health issues and hired us to digitize her family’s extensive collection of photos to share with him.

Scanning in and of itself can tend towards rote work, but choosing albums with the oldest images made for a wonderfully engaging experience. The rich sepia tones of these photos created from cameras in their earliest inception could hold their own in the Art Institute of Chicago’s photography collection. Their family is of German-Jewish decent and the women and men who held audience in front of the lens are thoroughly romanticized by this humble designer-turned-scan technician.

One set of eyes belonging to a young girl cast a particularly mesmerizing spell. I watched her grow from a curly haired, round faced, doll-like creature into a studious youth, on to a young bride and into motherhood. Her transformation was extraordinary. Her youthful beauty begat itself in her two daughters and as she aged into grandparenthood and even great-grandparenthood, I found myself very much smitten with her and this rare and wonderful slice of her life.

Her eyes, once framed with the supple, plump skin of childhood, now floated in the loose wrinkles of a wise woman who has bared a life rich with love, struggle, changing times, and growing family. How I wish I could hear her stories, know her details, her laugh, hold her hands.

When her youngest daughter was nineteen, she met and fell in love with a stunning young man of 22 years and soon they were married. They became adults together as their romance flourished in front of me. Photos are kept because they highlight what we want to see and remember, so I didn’t expect to see their hardships or strife, but I also didn’t expect to see this husband’s constant admiration of his wife. In every image – starting on a beach honeymoon, his body language spoke only to her, as if she were true north and he a dedicated mariner.

A testament to their love is the closeness of the family they created. We scanned through their babies, their children, their teenagers, the weddings of their young adult children, and their grandchildren. Their daughter was our client.

Time ebbs and flows according to our awareness of it. Watch a clock during dull or painful times and minutes become hours. Travel to a new country or sit with an old friend and the reverse happens. Any amount of time spent deeply engaged in a meaningful activity eventually becomes unquantifiable. Can this be true with an entire life?

What took decades to live and photograph, took just four days to scan and archive. From introduction to exit, from seed to bristlecone pine, from her eyes to mine, life plays out like waves of an ocean. Constant in it’s changing, beginnings and endings a part of the same motion. Comfort comes in the gratitude we acknowledge in any given moment.

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Grandmothers

“A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.” – Diane Mariechild

By on April 12, 2017

Behind me, on a shelf above my head, sit two worn, wooden frames containing images of beautiful young women. Both would one day become my grandmother.

I have had the great fortune of knowing grandparents, great grandparents, and even great great grandparents in my life. Each informing who I am to some degree. Each offering me clues about what I’m capable of. They are the people who created my family and who formed me within my family.

There is one I could not know, however, and she too has formed me.

My maternal grandmother, Vavo Lionelha, died when her oldest child was 15 years and her youngest was 8 months. Her legacy has been fraught with sorrow, but also unwavering faith and diligence.

As her children were left with an ever expanding void, the way each filled that void became their own journey. Through those efforts, her grandchildren were blessed with unquantifiable gifts. I’ve always felt that way about my brother and cousins. There is something rich in our blood and we are fortified by our shared experiences through her.

It is precisely due to Vavo Lionelha’s absence that an interest in family took such a hold of me. I cannot calculate the number of hours I have spent listening to my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents tell and re-tell stories of their lives. I have been mining the wisest of them for intel since I was old enough to realize I knew nothing of great value.

And why, partially, I became very close to my paternal grandmother, Grandma Esther. We shared a friendship beginning when I went to college and lasting for my entire adult life.

When finally she couldn’t say my name, I spent our time locked into her milky grey stare, telling her every wonderful thing she did for me, gave me, or said to me. I told her over and over how much I learned about being a friend, mother, and daughter from her. She didn’t recognize many people in her last year of life, but she knew me. Her face lit up the moment our eyes met and my heart lit up too.

Both of my grandmothers have been a strong voice in my internal narrative. Their mysteries and familiarities mine to access for life.

I’ve had those framed pictures up for decades giving me comfort, strength, and a little day dreaminess.

With the glow of their very promising lives shining on their faces, they are fearless and hopeful.

They look the way I feel sometimes.

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